Why I Still Go to Church

I’ve noticed a trend trickling into my social media over the course of the past year. Once I sensed the pattern forming, I began to wonder what influence others are experiencing in their lives. The bubble is popped and with some digging around, it’s easy to see this is a national issue.

People are leaving the church. But why? 

If I had to guess, people are dissatisfied with the growing divide between modern social issues and ancient biblical principles. As various practices made popular in our culture promise enlightenment, self-fulfillment, and openness, the church is pushed into a dark corner where it appears formidable and unyielding. 

On top of that, leaders in the church are stepping out and making bold statements that target specific groups. I’ve noticed the largest ripple effect from comments made about women. The content itself is not always the issue, but the delivery and tone are indicative of core issues. I experience the same uneasiness when a pastor lacks compassion and empathy in the difficult topics he presents. 

So why do we keep going?

In conversations with friends, there have been a lot of “buts.” That works for you, but. That might be true, but. Here are some of my responses to the biggest “buts” in the biz.

But you don’t have to go to be a Christian.

It’s true, you can maintain a relationship with Jesus on your own. You can read the Bible, listen to podcasts, get your worship on in the car, and pray without intervention. As a matter of fact, you can do any one of those any day of the week!  

BUT. In Hebrews 10:25 it says to spur one another on by “not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” The design for fellowship is bigger than we know, but it is something we are called to keep up in our spiritual walk. Do you see that it’s meant to develop our relationships with one another and build each other up? We pour into each others’ lives here. 

But it’s narrow-minded.

We are living in a post-truth era. That is so bizarre to me. I don’t understand how the justice system operates in this culture. The Bible is pretty straightforward when it comes to design, purpose, truth, and consequences. It directs us to love others as more than ourselves as our culture is telling us to put on our own oxygen mask first (figuratively speaking. In a plane, 100% on board with this). It’s all a little upside down, as far as modern society is concerned.

BUT. Proverbs 16:25 tells us that “there is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.” While the Bible may seem antiquated, if we look closely we can see that people are facing the same challenges that they did centuries ago. To be honest, I think of 1 Corinthians 3:19 quite a bit because it says the way of this world is foolishness. But thank God it’s not up to me to decide what is foolish and what is true. I can discern this for my own life, train my children, and encourage fellow believers, but for the rest of the world my goal is to point them to Christ. No special plan for each special trait or challenge. As the world is changing at a rapid rate, I cling to what is true and unchanging. The love and sacrifice of Jesus.

But they don’t allow women to lead.

Pish. Posh. That’s my response to that. Recent debates about women leading in the church have gotten pretty ugly. Male pastors have shown their allegiance through what they seem to think are subtle jabs, but the message is loud and clear. I don’t want to go on a tangent, so I’ll leave it at that. 

BUT. It has been my experience that there are plenty of opportunities to serve as a woman in the body of Christ. When we moved to a big church, one of my greatest fears was that there would be no place for me to serve. Ha! Church attendance does not automatically mean involvement. Long story short, I found opportunities to serve and use my abilities one step at a time. I started out by joining a mom’s group, then using my MFT license to speak occasionally. Once the word got out that I’m a maker, I began leading fun projects for the moms. Our director of women’s ministry, which I’d like to point out is a woman in a leadership role within the church, reached out and asked me to consider a creative ministry. This evolved into a large annual event and smaller workshops throughout the year. While this ministry is currently in the backseat, I am so thankful that I was invited and given the space to serve in unique and personal ways. Women are welcome here.  First Corinthians 12:4-11 indicates that there are a variety of gifts that we’re given, but one Spirit and a common good that they serve. God’s Word is written for the common good , not for conflict or division.

But I don’t like to sing.

Can I tell you a little secret? I love contemporary, indie, modern, and engaging music. Our worship has changed recently to include songs that topped the charts years ago, possibly decades. I rarely feel emotionally engaged in worship these days. Often a new song will throw me off and I feel like I’m spending most of the time trying to figure it out rather than getting lost in the words and lifting them up to God.

BUT. Our church has moved away from modern and fun to a deeper, more meaningful playlist. Often I’ll notice the words we sing are the theme in the message. I LOVE repeating stanzas that grow in intensity and feel like an anthem. BUT. That emotional experience is not a result of genuine connection or impactful content. It just feels good. Psalm 95:6 reminds us that worship is a time to bow down and kneel before our Maker. Our church is challenging us (or so I think) to move away from what feels good for us and moving us toward words that glorify God with intentionality. No smoke. No mirrors. No light show. 

But my kids are upset when I drop them off.

The results are in: two out of three of my children dislike going to church. For a solid year, we had to drag one child into class after he or she would scream and throw a fit and refuse to walk in. Super exciting stuff. Not at all embarrassing. Once hockey picked up and I found myself catching the sermons on podcasts rather than IRL, I sort of sighed with relief that we weren’t being forced to drag him in more regularly.

BUT. We face this with new things. Church, school, childcare at the gym, doctors’ offices, craft stores. We don’t avoid these places because our kids don’t like them. We may dread them, but we don’t avoid them. We continue to show up, wiping away tears and consoling our kids through meltdowns because it’s a part of growing up and developing as an individual that faces hard things. Third John 1:4 empowers us through these words: “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.” I may be dragging them now, but I pray constantly that they will walk in the Truth throughout their lives.

But I can read my Bible on my own.

This is true. And much like we talked about above, can be done any day of the week. We can choose what we study and when. We can read as little or as much as we want in a day. There are commentaries and countless resources online to understand the words, even in their original language and context. 

BUT. When we rely on our own time in study, we might close ourselves off to outside influence and conviction. Here’s an analogy. The mirror in my closet is super flattering. I don’t know what it is, but I usually feel good about the way I look. It’s not until I catch a glimpse of myself in a store window or a group photo that I realize “this girl got thick.” It catches me off guard because that mirror told me otherwise. In the same way, we can miss a larger message or content that stretches beyond our understanding if we don’t attend church. On my own, I might be avoiding the places I feel convicted. In more times than I can count, sermons have opened my eyes to places of resistance and I’ve sensed the nudge to make some changes in my personal life. 

But I don’t know anyone.

My love for church developed in a time that we were attending a small group with several of our beloved friends. We’d come in the building and start hugging away. It made the place feel small and familiar. One by one as time has gone on, those friends have moved away and whittled down to one family we know well. One hug. That’s not nearly enough to sustain me. We have several acquaintances, but it feels like starting over to dive into new places.

BUT. Church isn’t about the hugs. I know…I’m still wrapping my mind around that one. We’ve known flourishing seasons of fellowship, but they are just that. Seasons. It’s not about how it feels to be known, at least not by other people. We’re there to learn, grow, and rest in Truth. Oh and to hold hands in the pew because that’s the only time in the week that my husband and I will do that. Matthew 18:20 is a powerful reminder that “where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Even when we don’t feel connected to the people around us, God is good and I believe He honors the places we show up and do our best.

But I don’t always agree with the pastor.

Girl, please. Of course you don’t always agree. I don’t always agree with my husband, but I’m not going anywhere. Some sermons are difficult to sit through. From ill-equipped speakers to content that goes over our heads, there are a multitude of reasons a sermon may not hit home. 

BUT. Use these stirred up responses to dig a little deeper. Are you feeling convicted? What about the sermon is confusing? Issues with the speaker’s ability or distractions in the room can be overcome with focus and willpower. What is one thing to take away from this message? Just one. If the content disagrees with your belief system and after digging, you still don’t agree, it’s okay to talk to someone. Ask a trusted friend at the church or in some cases, you can go directly to the pastor. I have a sneaking suspicion that most will make office hours to discuss the Word further. If you have more questions, visit my post “Trusting the Church” to ask yourself about the concerns you are experiencing.

But I like to sleep in.

This is a real thing, people. I’ve thought it myself! With hockey being the very air we breathe, often Sunday mornings are the only break we experience.

BUT. WE ALL LIKE TO SLEEP IN. I can’t believe I included this. 

But it doesn’t always feel real.

I’ve felt this before. I’m going about my day and the thought will pop into my head, “What if none of this is real?” It’s deeply unsettling, isn’t it?

BUT. What if it is? Often times it does feel like fiction, but in my case I will scroll through my beliefs and the evidence that holds them up. I think of my faith experiences. There are too many coincidences for it not to be real. There are over 70 Bible verses about remembering who God is and what He’s done. Scripture is our reference to His character and Truth that remains consistent through the ages. If I’m wrong, I’ve lived by a moral code that I don’t regret and wouldn’t take back. If you’re wrong, what will that mean for you?

Brennan Manning hit the nail on the head years ago when he said “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.” It takes courage to hold onto values the world deems outdated. It feels lonely at times. David shows us in Psalm 13:5, 6 that humble faith in the love of God is incredibly rewarding.

“But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD, Because He has dealt bountifully with me.”

Photo credit: Robin Spielmann