Which Momster are You?
Lock your doors. Halloween is just around the corner and it’s time for spooky stories, trick or treating, and s’more marshmallows than you can shake a stick at. I know the holiday stirs up mixed feelings, but just for fun, let’s take a quiz. Which momster are you? Keep track of your selections and find out which inner ghoul describes you.
When meeting new people, I:
a. Have strong first impressions that easily change over time.
b. Jump in and let loose!
c. Try to be polite and match the mood of the room.
d. Am very quiet and take time to warm up.
2. In my free time, I enjoy:
a. Doing activities that range from quiet and private to loud and rambunctious.
b. Lots of movement and activity.
c. Competitive sports, brain teasers, anything that pushes me ahead.
d. Quiet activities alone.
3. Others would describe my temper as:
a. Hot and cold. Hit or miss. Here and there.
b. Beast mode! Beware!
c. May appear heartless, but I think well-contained.
d. All wrapped up and hard to read.
4. When I’m up against a challenge, I typically:
a. Feel confident or struggle with self-doubt, depending on circumstances.
b. Can only take so much before I lose it.
c. Rack my brain for new ideas.
d. Take it apart, layer by layer, and process the whole thing.
5. In dealing with anger, I might like to work on:
a. Balancing my emotions.
b. Having less explosive responses.
c. Being honest and sharing my heart with others.
d. Open up and express emotions freely.
You did it! Now let’s see how you scored! You may notice some of the answers had clues to what the different momsters would be.
Mostly A’s: Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde
You’re a little bit of everything! Sweet and sassy, sugar and spice! You have big opinions and share them when it suits you. You don’t mean to be two-faced, but you have all the feels!
Mostly B’s: Shewolf
Girl, you hit beast mode like none other! You can be a lone wolf, but you mostly keep up with the pack. You are a force to be reckoned with and ain’t nobody wanna cross you. Needless to say, you’re the life of the party…until you get hangry or tired!
Mostly C’s: Mombie
You may seem harmless and often appear as though you have it all together. The pressure to fit the mold is excruciating, but worth it to you. A moment of weakness could cost your reputation.
Mostly D’s: Mummy
A true introvert, you keep to yourself and it pains you to step outside of your shell…err wrapping…ummm tomb? The analogy dies here. You prefer the distance that wrapping up in your own life brings about, but it can be lonely and sometimes tiresome to hold it all in. You process your emotions at your pace, but there are very few people you would trust them with.
So this quiz was just for fun. I mean, if you imagine talking about your temper and your weaknesses as being fun. I shared these momsters at a mom’s group several years ago and thought Halloween would be the ideal time to revive them! I want to talk about anger and if we’re going there, I want to lay it all out on the table.
Freedom From Anger
I’m joining a group of other writers this month and we’re focusing on freedom. I know it’s not July, Judy. I want to take this month to focus on freedom from perfection. I’m going to do my best to let it go right alongside you, so I’m excited to see where this challenge takes us.
I know we don’t mean to be, but we are an angry bunch. We’re all elbows and knees when it comes to handling our emotions with grace. We all have our moments. There’s grace in trying again tomorrow, but coming up with new ways to handle old problems is not easy. Otherwise, we would just do it!
Let’s take a look at four different types of anger in people (these are not lined up with our momsters from up above:
Magnets: MY WAY or the highway (externalized)
Avoiders: Your way is just fine (internalized)
Compromisers: Let’s meet halfway (neutralized)
Diffusers: Seek Truth and reconciliation (finalized)
Oftentimes we stop at neutralizing strong emotions. We put out the fire and walk away as the smoke billows behind us. “Glad that’s over.” We may find ourselves repeatedly facing the same issues when putting an end to conflict is our main goal. When the goal of our confrontation is change, we are willing to go through the steps needed to find a healthy compromise.
Before we look at those steps, what gets us fired up anyways? Lies, two-faced people, selfishness, wanting more than we have, people doing harm in the world.
What gets God fired up? Evil, pride, troublemakers, lies, murder.
The lists are pretty similar, wouldn’t you say? Chances are, most of us are looking to fight the same fight. We just have different ways of going about it.
So what are the steps to confronting someone?
Confront the person alone. Don’t allow time to pass for your anger to grow.
If they don’t listen and the issue persists, take one or two people with you next time.
If they still don’t listen, talk to someone at the church about resolving the issue.
If they continue to refuse resolution, let them go. You’ve treated them respectfully by following these steps but it’s time to create new boundaries to separate yourself from them.
I pulled and interpreted these steps from Matthew 18:15-17. I walked through these steps with a former friend and am sad to say I haven’t experienced resolution. I have, however experienced freedom from her lies, the damaging way she treated her kids, and the lack of boundaries she possessed around other men, mainly husbands. I hate the idea of bailing on a friend, but my boundaries were so tight to protect my husband and kiddos from anymore negative encounters that there was very little left of the friendship. It wasn’t until recently I accepted that I had not bailed on her, but that she did not want me as a friend. There’s some freedom in knowing I did the best I could with a heart that was hardened beyond my control.
Timing is everything
While it’s important that our feelings do not fester, it is also important to consider our timing. I’m sure by now you’ve heard the acronym HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and it applies so well here. If you are any of these things, resolve that need before approaching the other person. Nothing like a full stomach and a good night’s rest before you let someone have it, am I right?
We need to be aware of the best timing for the other person, as well. I confronted my mom while her mom was in hospice and in hindsight, it was the worst thing I could have done. She couldn’t process all of it. I was so hot over the issue, but I didn’t receive the response I wanted because I didn’t seek out the best time to talk about the problem.
Reduce anger in your life
So how do we tame the ‘tude? Here are 7 ways I think will help:
Focus on what is TRUE (truthful, respectful, uplifting, empathic) Philippians 4:8
Memorize Scripture on the topic 2 Corinthians 10:5, Romans 12:2
Express gratitude! Colossians 2:6,7
Pray like crazy Philippians 4:6
Recognize patterns and find a way to interrupt them 1 John 3:4
Seek wise counsel when your resources are exhausted
Be cautious the friends you keep Proverbs 22:24, 25:26, Matthew 7:6, John 2:24, 25
Every new day truly is an opportunity to start over and try again. Rest, refresh, and reset. You can do this. No matter what legacy of anger, bitterness, moodiness, or rage precedes you, it does NOT define you. Frankly, it does not suit you. I hope this helps.
Recommended Resources:
Podcasts
Andy Stanley (Your Move App) When God…
Chip Ingram (Overcoming emotions that destroy)
Disappointment with God (Philip Yancey)
Confronting without offending (Deborah Smith Pegues)
The five languages of apology (Gary chapman & Jennifer Thomas)
Lies women believe (Nancy leigh Demoss)
Breaking the Divorce Cycle (John Trent, Ph.D.)